Over the years of my adult life I've had dreams of having a little girl. I've seen her. I've had friends and family tell me of dreams they've had about me having a girl. I've cried because those dreams never became real. I've stayed awake at night daydreaming of the things we'd do and who she might be if she ever was real.
Rewind life to the week before Indy was born. One night I was relaxing on the couch, about to pop, and feeling the exhaustion of pregnancy "doneness" when my mom called...
Now, I must insert and tell you some things about my mom if you don't already know her. First, she's amazing. Wise and reserved. Musical and mathematical. Intuitive and spiritually in-tune. She's also not pushy or opinionated. She has always just let me do my thing and has been there to help when I need her. She's not exactly the kind of mom to call me up and tell me what she thinks I should do in life. Not unless she has good reason.
Back to the story. I was laying there that Sunday evening when my mom called. She asked how I was feeling and then got kind of quiet before she struggled out the question: "So I know you're due any day, and I wondered if you are planning to do something permanent, like getting your tubes tied?" – At that point I hadn't signed on the dotted line, but was thinking four kids was enough and I'd maybe just get my tubes tied after I had Indy. – After telling her this, she was kind of quiet and then said these words, which I will never forget... "Well Lela, I think you're going to have another baby, and I'm pretty sure it's going to be a girl."
You guys, those were her exact words, to a pregnant woman about to give birth! I know because they are burned into my memory; because I felt that familiar feeling of the spirit testifying of truth. You know, the warmth in your heart, the goosebumps running up your arms, the peace in your soul that everything is okay. I immediately started drilling her about why she thought this and asked, "Well, did an angel come down and tell you, Mom?!?" – "Did you hear a voice?!?" – "How could you know this?!?!" She didn't give me much information, other than she had an experience that day and she knew she was supposed to tell me. I have pondered over that conversation for four years. I've called her and asked her about it, told friends about it, I've prayed and prayed about it, and I just couldn't shake that feeling that I had when she first said those words to me. It was a message. It had to be.
And in hindsight, glorious hindsight, I know that God knew that a message from my mother was the only way to get through to me. I am stubborn you see; but I trust my mom, and He knows that. I have been so emotional (just ask Sean) through all of this. Having one more kid is scary. Five kids is a whole lotta kids. I was so nervous; not that I would have another BOY, but that I would never have a GIRL and that all those experiences and those feelings wouldn't have been real.
On the day we found out I was a wreck. I woke up at 2:00 am. Went through every scenario in my head. I tried to convince myself that I could be okay if we were having a boy (knowing I'd be heartbroken). I just kept repeating my mom's words in my head and I knew it. They were true. They had to be.
And they are. They're true. I'm going to have another baby...and it's going to be a girl.
God is good.
It's painful for me to share these pics of me ugly crying, but Sean insists that they're epic and capture the moment.
Brenner was by far the most emotional of my boys.
Indy was sad because the balloons flew away.
All the kids gathered flowers for me.
